Secrets of a Mean Girl
by cheet0breath-Kristina
Summary: One little sentence can bring up emotional memories of a dark past for JJ. Rated M for possible triggers.


**A/N: This is my first ever fic that I've posted on FF so review and tell me what you think! **

"_Valedictorian, soccer scholarship, corn-fed but still a size zero. I think that you might've been a mean girl."_

There's no way that he could've known. No way that he would've known how much weight that tiny remark carried; no way in the world that he knew how deeply those words cut her. Spencer Reid, despite his remarkable intelligence, didn't have a clue about JJ's life in high school. The pain she endured, the intense feelings of self-hatred she harbored towards herself were a complete mystery to him and the rest of the BAU. He didn't know that even though Jennifer Jareau appeared to be the perfect little "Queen Bee" in high school, the dark closet of her mind threatened to overflow with skeletons of her past.

_Her grades. _Oh how she worked tirelessly to maintain a perfect, A-plus average. JJ was and always had been a perfectionist to the extreme, to the point where it was harmful to her well-being. Many a sleepless night had been spent toiling over homework assignments and projects, making sure that every little detail was perfect. Failure was not an option; it never was. Every single time she was placed in a group for a project, she accepted the entire weight of the work so that she ensured that everything was done perfectly. There was little faith that she could readily put in the hands of her classmates. She learned quickly that if she wanted something done right that she would have to do it herself.

_Her team. _If there was one thing that rivaled the feelings of self-hatred Jennifer felt when she received anything less than a perfect grade, it was the feeling of letting her fellow teammates down. Competitive by nature, JJ worked fiercely to become the best soccer player that she could be. Every spare moment she had was spent drilling herself outside of practices, working out so that she could excel on the field. She knew that she needed that soccer scholarship. It was her one ticket out of that godforsaken town, and she knew that she couldn't let it slip through her fingers. Getting out of that small town was crucial not only to her future, but to her well-being as well. All she wanted in life was to be successful. JJ just wanted to be perfect in both her eyes and the eyes of the people around her.

_Her appearance. _Ever since she first began school as a child, JJ had been the most outgoing and charming girl in her year. Others were naturally drawn to her sparkling personality, but the practiced smile was only a ruse. Those people were drawn only to her feigned happiness, and Jennifer knew all too well that if anyone were to catch a glimpse into the depths of her mind that no one would want to be around her. No matter how many people told her how pretty she was or how thin she looked, she hated her body. She wholeheartedly believed that people would only like her as long as she was stick thin. Starving herself proved to be difficult with her intense workout regimen, and her parents were always on her case about making sure that she was eating enough. "_They don't want to lose another daughter too," _she always thought. _"But do they really care? Who even does?"_ That was when Jennifer became so desparate that she began to purge herself of the meals that she ate, right after she ate them. If she had a soccer game or practice, she would eat right before, played her game, then went to throw it up moments after. Within months, Jennifer Jareau became a haunted, scarily thin shell of her former self.

Everyone around Jennifer, her friends and her family, were worried sick. They saw the promising young girl suffer and wither away before their eyes. She was a girl with dreams that were far bigger than the small town that she lived in, which caused her mental anguish that not many people could understand. Right after Spencer had said those words, she reflected on how much pain not only she went through, but how much pain and worry that she made those around her go through as well. JJ never went to receive professional help other than the few sessions she attended after her sister committed suicide. She suffered though the rest of high school and won her scholarship. But at what cost? Her friends and family knew that it was all superficial, and deep down, so did JJ. But as long as she thought that she had come out of the ordeal successfully, what did it matter to her? She believed that the end justified the means, hoping that one day, whoever she hurt along the way would find it in their hearts to forgive her. Let her back in. Realize that she wasn't the person with the destroyed soul that she used to be.


End file.
